Why therapy (sometimes) feels difficult

Have you ever noticed how cleaning a really messy room often makes things look worse before they get better? Therapy can feel a bit like that. 

Just when you're hoping to feel more sorted, things might feel more muddled than before. Here's why that's actually a good sign - and why it's worth staying with the process.
 

What therapy actually is (and isn't) 
Many of us arrive at therapy hoping for sage advice that will sort everything out - a bit like going to the doctor for a prescription. But therapy isn't about receiving wisdom from on high. Instead, it's about understanding ourselves better, including the parts we might have been avoiding. 
That's not always comfortable. It's natural to want to feel different, while hoping everything (including ourselves) can stay exactly the same. Unfortunately, that's not quite how it works. Real change often requires us to look at patterns we've developed over years, sometimes decades, and that kind of self-reflection takes courage and time.

Looking inward (when we'd rather not) 
It's much easier to focus on how other people contribute to our struggles. Whether it's our demanding boss, our complicated family dynamics, or that friend who always seems to push our buttons - looking outward feels safer. While these external factors matter, therapy helps us notice our own part in these patterns. That realisation can feel pretty uncomfortable at first, but it's where meaningful change begins. Sometimes, discovering how we might be contributing to our own difficulties can feel it throws us off balance - but it's also the first step toward finding new ground to stand on.

The stranger in the room 
Opening up to someone we've just met about things we might not even tell our closest friends? It's weird. Especially if we've grown up in families or cultures where talking about feelings wasn't encouraged. Building trust with a therapist can take time - and that's normal. Those initial feelings of awkwardness or uncertainty are completely normal. Over time, this relationship often becomes a unique space where we can explore parts of ourselves we might never have looked at before.

The pace of change 
We live in a world of quick fixes. Phone playing up? Update it. Headache? Take some Panadol. But our minds work differently. Issues we've been carrying for years won't untangle themselves in a few sessions. The human mind isn't a machine, and nor is anything about our psychological struggles simple to understand. Depending on the issue, some people might need just a few weeks or months of therapy, while others benefit from longer-term work. There's no one-size-fits-all timeline. What matters is finding a pace that works for you and recognising that meaningful change often leads to a deeper transformation.

Breaking down barriers 
Think about this: just 80 years ago, people would have thought you were odd for physically exercising. Now we all understand why physical exercise matters. Therapy is on a similar journey. In many communities, it's still finding its feet, which means there's plenty of misunderstanding about what it is and how it helps. This can make us wonder if we're doing the right thing, especially when faced with other people's skepticism. But just as we now understand the importance of physical health, we're gradually recognising that mental health deserves the same attention and care.

When the fit isn't right 
Sometimes, despite everyone's best efforts, you and your therapist just don't click. Sometimes, there's a mismatch, and that's no one's fault. A good therapist will welcome this conversation and can often help you find someone who might be a better match. Feeling uncomfortable with the process of therapy is normal, but feeling consistently uncomfortable with your therapist might mean it's worth exploring other options, and that's perfectly fine.
 

Signs therapy is working (even when it feels hard)

• You're starting to notice patterns in your behaviour that you hadn't spotted before
• You're more emotionally aware than usual - this often means you're processing things that need attention
• You're beginning to question some long-held beliefs about yourself or others
• You sometimes feel frustrated with therapy or your therapist, but you can discuss these feelings openly, knowing you won't be judged
• You're developing a new vocabulary for your emotions and experiences
• You catch yourself responding differently to situations that would have previously provoked strong reactions

The initial discomfort in therapy often signals the beginning of important changes. Like exercising muscles you haven't used in a while, it might feel uncomfortable at first, but that tension usually means something is shifting. The key is to be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey - and remember that feeling challenged in therapy doesn't mean it isn't working. Often, it means quite the opposite.