How to get out of your own way
Have you ever found yourself on the brink of making important progress, only to suddenly pull back or undermine your own efforts? If so, you may be experiencing self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage is a common phenomenon that can hold us back from reaching our goals, forming healthy relationships, and moving forward in meaningful ways. Put simply, it’s when we consciously or unconsciously engage in thoughts, feelings, or behaviours that interfere with our well-being and success.
Fun fact: the word “sabotage” comes from the French verb saboter, which means to “bungle, botch, or wreck.” The term was first used to describe labour disputes in which workers wearing wooden clogs, known as sabots, would disrupt production through various means. Over time, the meaning expanded to include any deliberate action that undermines a cause.
Self-sabotage can take many forms. Some common examples include:
- Procrastinating on important tasks
- Engaging in unhealthy habits
- Pushing away supportive people
- Quitting when things get challenging
- Talking yourself out of growth opportunities
While self-sabotage may feel like self-protection in the moment, it often stems from a fear of failure, rejection, or disappointment. We may believe that by holding ourselves back, we can avoid these painful experiences. (“If I don’t try, then I can’t fail.”)
However, this “safety” comes at a high price. Chronic self-sabotage can leave us feeling stuck, unfulfilled, and disconnected from our aspirations.
If you find yourself caught in a cycle of self-sabotage, here are some steps that can help you start to overcome it:
- Develop awareness: Notice when you're engaging in self-sabotaging patterns. Try to identify the fears or beliefs driving this behaviour.
- Challenge limiting beliefs: Ask yourself if these beliefs are truly serving you or if they're holding you back. Remember, growth often involves calculated risks. Some helpful questions to consider:
- What evidence supports or refutes this belief?
- How is this belief limiting my potential?
- What would I attempt if I didn't have this belief?
- What small risks could I take to expand my comfort zone?
- How might releasing this belief improve my life?
- Be considerate toward yourself: Recognise that self-sabotage is a common struggle. Rather than judging yourself, respond with understanding and support.
- Take action (even if it's small): Break your goals down into manageable steps. Celebrate each milestone along the way. Surround yourself with people who encourage and believe in you.
- Expect setbacks: Overcoming self-sabotage is not a perfectly linear process. You might find old patterns resurfacing from time to time. When this happens, meet yourself with compassion. Remind yourself that slip-ups are part of the journey. Refocus on your goals and keep moving forward. Each lapse is an opportunity to practise self-forgiveness and strengthen your resilience. Also, keep in mind that a setback doesn’t mean you’ve lost all the progress made…you’ve fallen back a couple of steps, you’re not “back to Square One.”
Let's look at an example of how small steps can start us on the road to a big journey…
Marcus wants to get in shape but believes he's too out of shape to start. He reminds himself that everyone begins somewhere. Marcus commits to walking 10 minutes after dinner each day. This small action builds his confidence. After a few weeks, he walks longer and joins a beginner fitness class. By taking one step at a time, Marcus gains momentum and begins seeing himself as someone who prioritises his health.
Overcoming self-sabotage is a process. It requires patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to confront discomfort. But in doing so, you open yourself up to incredible possibilities.
Don't let self-sabotage hold you back any longer. You deserve to pursue your dreams and live a fulfilling life. Start taking small, courageous steps today. Transformation happens one choice at a time.
