When you’re getting used to university life or thinking about what comes next, there can be a sense that you’re meant to be building something solid: a life, an identity, a plan for the future.
It can feel like there’s so much riding on the choices you make now, and that realisation can be daunting. It’s not unusual to feel waves of anxiety, unease, or fear about whether you’re up to it, whether you’ll get it right, or even whether you’ll cope with growing up in general.
Like any emotion, a healthy dose of anxiety serves a useful function. It tells us what's important, what needs our attention, and motivates us to focus on how we need to act. But when anxiety becomes excessive, it can lead us to underestimating our ability to cope and overestimate the danger of what we're worried about.
Exams, presentations, social pressures can feel too much, as if failure is the only outcome that's likely to happen. When we feel anxious or stressed, what gets overlooked is our capacity to adapt, learn, and persevere even when things don’t go perfectly.
It’s easy to slip into the belief that self-confidence means feeling on top of everything all the time, but nobody operates like that. Whether you’re figuring out your first career moves or running an organisation, no-one is completely free from moments of stress, doubt, or overwhelm. These feelings don’t mean you’re failing. They’re often signs you’re taking things seriously and you care about doing well.
Over the years, there has been an increased focus on mental health and emotional well-being, which has been helpful overall for many reasons. But thanks to a lot of misguided information, there’s a risk that we come to believe stress or anxiety are emotions to be eliminated and that we should always feel good.
As a result, that can make you think there’s something wrong with you for feeling normal human emotions. But stress, anxiety, and even fear aren't flaws to be fixed. They’re natural responses to a demanding, meaningful life that we all experience.
Emotions are incredibly old in evolutionary terms - much older than language. They’re our built-in way of paying attention to what matters, helping us navigate challenges, and keeping us alert to change. Feeling anxious before an exam or presentation doesn’t mean you’re broken; it means you care about doing well. Feeling stressed about life choices doesn't mean you're doing life wrong; it means you recognise their importance.
Instead of seeing these emotions as faults to be fixed, it helps to think of them as signals to notice. Of course, if they become so overwhelming that they interfere with daily life, then it’s important to look for ways to regulate them and seek help. But most of the time, these emotions are part of the territory of living life.
It’s also worth remembering that no matter how intense things have felt in the past, you’ve gotten through 100% of those moments. Even if they felt unbearable at the time, or you believed you'd never get through them, you did. This shows you have more strength and resilience than you realise.
If you want to remind yourself of your own capacity to cope, try reflecting on some of these questions:
When was a time I thought I wouldn’t manage, but did?
What have I learned about myself from getting through hard times?
Who or what helped me cope in the past?
How did I feel after it was over?
What strengths did I show, even if I didn’t notice them at the time?
These questions aren’t about pretending the difficult times weren't tough. Instead, they encourage you to remember your own track record of surviving, learning, and growing.
Building self-confidence doesn't mean you need to get rid of anxiety or stress (even if that were possible...) It’s a process of learning that you can carry on in spite of tough times and feelings that do arise. It means understanding that emotions come and go, and while they make an impact as they're happening, they don’t last, and they don't define you.
It can be helpful to think about your own personal toolkit for getting through hard times:
Trusted friends and family who listen without judgement
Hobbies and interests that help you switch off
Faith or spiritual practices
Exercise, creative projects, or time in nature
Seeking counselling or professional support when needed
All of these resources can help you take care of your well-being. When things get hard, you can lean on them to get you through. Above all, remember that you yourself are the most important resource you have.
You’ve navigated everything life has thrown at you so far and you can trust that you’ll find a way to handle what comes next. That doesn’t mean it'll be easy, but it does mean you’re capable of meeting the challenges and learning from them along the way.
