How to deal with unsavoury comments
As we journey through life, we inevitably encounter criticism. Whether it's a casual remark from a friend or a scathing review of our work, criticism can be a bitter pill to swallow. However, learning to deal with it effectively is crucial for our well-being.
Firstly, it's essential to recognise that criticism is an unavoidable part of life. If we think of the most famous spiritual leaders, celebrities we admire, and others we look up to, none of them is liked or loved by everyone. Even the most revered figures in history faced their fair share of detractors.
This universal truth stems from the simple fact that everyone has different preferences, tastes, and views on how others should be. Accepting this reality can help us approach criticism with a more balanced perspective. (Some of you might have seen the meme that says, “Don't expect everybody to like you…even you don’t like everyone.”)
(Side note: On the other hand, people don't think about us nearly as much as we might think they do. Check out 'The Spotlight Effect' to learn more...)
When faced with criticism, our initial reaction might be to become defensive or dismissive. However, it's worth taking a moment to reflect on the feedback we receive. Criticism might carry some truth, and it's worth considering if there's something to be worked on.
As research suggests, this process of self-reflection can be a powerful tool for personal growth. By objectively examining the criticism, we can identify areas for improvement and use it as a catalyst for positive change.
On the other hand, not all criticism is created equal. Some might be unfair, irrelevant, or even malicious. In such cases, it might be best to acknowledge it as such and then let it go. The key is to develop the skill to differentiate between constructive feedback and unwarranted negativity. This skill, which ties in with emotional intelligence, can be honed through practise and self-awareness.
The Buddhist monk Ajahn Jayasaro offers a profound insight into dealing with both praise and criticism. He suggests that just because someone praises you doesn't make you a better person; on the other hand, just because someone criticises you doesn't make you a bad or incompetent person. This wisdom encourages us to maintain a stable sense of self-worth that isn't overly swayed by external opinions.
Interestingly, research in cognitive psychology sheds light on how our past experiences and emotions influence our reaction to criticism. Our self-schema (the mental framework we use to understand ourselves) plays a crucial role in how we interpret and respond to feedback. By consciously working on our self-schema, we can become more resilient in the face of criticism.
One practical approach to building this resilience is through social skills training. Studies have shown that improving our ability to assert ourselves, refuse unreasonable requests, and express displeasure constructively can significantly reduce stress levels when dealing with criticism. These skills empower us to engage with criticism more effectively, whether it's in a professional setting or personal relationships.
Dealing with criticism is an art that requires patience, self-reflection, and a healthy dose of self-compassion. By understanding that criticism is inevitable, discerning between helpful and unhelpful feedback, and maintaining a stable sense of self-worth, we can transform criticism from a source of stress into an opportunity for growth.
Remember, the goal isn't to avoid criticism altogether – that's impossible – but to reflect on and make use of any criticism that’s constructive and let go of unwarranted negative comments from others that offer no value to your sense of self and growth.
