Grief is a natural response to loss. It is the emotional suffering one experiences when something or someone they love is taken away. Grief is not limited to the loss of a person; it can also be triggered by the loss of a pet, a significant relationship, or even a cherished object. 

It is important to recognise that grief is a highly individual experience, and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. Grief also varies across cultures and traditions: what might be seen as “unhealthy” in one culture might be encouraged in others. 

Quick note: ‘Grief’, ‘Bereavement’, and ‘Mourning’ are often used to mean the same thing, but they each describe different things. Bereavement refers to the loss itself. Grief is our emotional response to the loss. Mourning is the outward/public expression of grief.

Let’s look at some common myths around grief…

Myth #1: Grief follows a linear or predictable pattern.

Fact: Grief is not a linear process and does not follow a specific timeline. Everyone experiences grief differently, and it is common to move back and forth between different stages of grief. Sometimes, people might feel “guilty” for feeling fine on some days and sad on others. They might feel they’re “moving on from” the person, but that’s not the case. Our loss will always be part of us, and moving back and forth between focusing on our grief and adapting to a new way of living is a normal part of the process. We don’t “move on” from grief; in time, we slowly grow around it. 

How grief can be experienced

Grief can manifest in various ways. Some people might feel numb, disorientated or disconnected, while others might experience intense sadness, anger, or guilt. Physical symptoms, such as fatigue, changes in appetite, and difficulty sleeping, are also common.

Myth #2: Grief should only last for a certain amount of time.

Fact: There is no set time frame for grief. Some people might feel better after a few weeks or months, while others might continue to grieve for years (in some cultures, grieving rituals are encouraged to help maintain people’s connection to their loved ones).

Supporting someone who is grieving

If you have a friend or loved one who is grieving, it can be challenging to know how to support them. The most important thing you can do is to be present and listen. Avoid trying to "fix" their pain or offer unsolicited advice. Instead, let them know that you are there for them and willing to listen whenever they need to talk.

Myth #3: Talking about the deceased/other loss will only make the grieving person feel worse.

Fact: Many people find comfort in talking about their loved one who has passed away. Sharing memories and stories can be a helpful way to process grief.

Practical support can also be helpful. Offer to help with everyday tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, or running errands. Grief can be exhausting, and having someone to help with these tasks can be a significant relief. If you do offer your help and support to someone, be sure to follow through (this is a helpful rule in general). If you’re unable to offer time and practical support, don’t offer it until you feel able to do so. 

What to say and what not to say

Myth #4: Grief is a sign of weakness.

Fact: Grief is a natural and normal response to loss. It’s never a sign of weakness to experience or express grief.

When supporting someone who is grieving, it is essential to be mindful of your words. Avoid saying things like “I know how you feel,” “They're in a better place,” or “Time heals all wounds.” These phrases, while well-intentioned, can come across as dismissive or minimising a person’s pain. 

Instead, try saying things like:

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

"I'm here for you."

"I can't imagine how you must be feeling, but I'm here to listen if you want to talk."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Remember, sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply be present and silent, allowing your friend or loved one to express their emotions without judgement.


That brings us to our final myth…

Myth #5: Moving on with life means forgetting about the person who died.

Fact: Moving forward after a loss does not mean forgetting about the person who died. It is possible to continue to love and remember someone while also finding ways to adapt to life without them.

It’s essential to understand what grief is, how it can manifest, and how to support ourselves and others through the process. By being present, listening, offering practical support, and understanding the myths and facts about grief, we can help ourselves and our loved ones navigate the difficult journey of grief. 

“Mourning is the price we pay for having the courage to love others.”
~ Irvin Yalom