How to turn down the noise of your inner critic

We all have experience with our inner critic – that voice in our heads that seems to highlight our flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings. 

It's the voice that tells us we're not good enough, that we don't deserve success or happiness, and that we'll never measure up to our own or other people’s expectations. Learning to deal with this inner critic is a crucial step towards self-acceptance and personal growth.

British psychoanalyst, Adam Phillips, offers an interesting perspective on the inner critic. In his lecture "Against Self-criticism", he suggests that if the inner critic were a person following us around, we'd quickly find them boring and repetitive.

They never say anything new or insightful; instead, they simply rehash the same old criticisms and doubts. Phillips argues that we wouldn't want to spend much time around such a person, so why do we allow this inner critic to have so much power over us?

Part of the reason we struggle with self-criticism is that, on some level, we identify with it. We may have internalised negative messages from our past experiences or relationships, and these have become part of our self-image.

When we feel unworthy or undeserving, attempts to counter this with positive affirmations or self-praise can feel insincere or even delusional. We struggle to accept compliments or acknowledge our own achievements because they don't align with the way we see ourselves.

So, how can we deal with this inner critic in a more realistic and effective way? Here are some pointers:

1. Recognise the critic: The first step is to become aware of the inner critic's voice. Notice when it pipes up and what triggers it. Simply acknowledging its presence can help to diminish its power.
   

2. Question the critic: When the inner critic starts its tirade, ask yourself, "Is this really true?" or "Is this helpful?" Often, the critic's judgements are exaggerated or based on flawed assumptions. Challenging them can help to expose their irrationality.
   

3. Practise realistic self-compassion: Instead of trying to silence the critic with grandiose statements of self-love, try adopting a more compassionate and understanding attitude towards yourself. Acknowledge your flaws and mistakes, but also recognise that these are part of being human.
   

4. Focus on growth: Rather than dwelling on past failures or shortcomings, focus on what you can learn from them and how you can grow and improve. The inner critic might (sometimes) highlight areas where you genuinely need to develop, and it's up to you to turn these into opportunities for positive change.
   

5. Seek support: Surround yourself with people who appreciate and support you for who you are. Their encouragement and validation can help to counterbalance the inner critic's negativity.

Silencing the inner critic is a process, not a one-time event. It takes practice and patience to learn to relate to ourselves in a more balanced and compassionate way.

By recognising the critic's voice, questioning its judgments, practicing self-compassion, focusing on growth, and seeking support, we can gradually diminish its power and cultivate a more accepting and realistic sense of self.

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"How has it come about that we are so bewitched by our self-hatred, so impressed and credulous in the face of our self-criticism, as unimaginative as it usually is?" ~ Adam Phillips