Notice, care, and be there
Have you ever had the feeling that something’s wrong with someone close to you but you don’t know what to say?
Maybe they’ve gone quiet, cancelled plans, or started saying things that sound a little…off. You want to reach out, but you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. You worry they might be upset with you. Or worse, that you’ll open a door you won’t know how to walk through.
These are common thoughts. Most of us haven’t been taught how to talk about feeling suicidal or experiencing deep emotional pain. But by having conversations and normalising the fact we all struggle at times, we create space for empathy, honesty, and support.
Some struggles are spoken, but many are carried in silence, tucked away behind smiles and everyday conversations. You don’t have to be a professional therapist to offer support, you can simply be there for someone with curiosity, care, and respect.
Signs someone might be struggling
It’s a myth that people who are thinking about suicide always say so directly. They can show us in small ways – through what they say, or how they act. Here are some signs that someone could be in distress:
- Withdrawing from friends or social activities
- Expressing hopelessness or saying they feel like a burden
- Sudden changes in mood, especially unexpected calmness after feeling very low
- Talking about death or not being around
- Giving away personal belongings
- Using substances or engaging in risky behaviour
These don’t always mean someone is suicidal – but they’re signs someone might need support. Ask yourself: Does this reflect the person's usual behaviour? Trust your instincts if something feels off.
Starting the conversation
Reaching out doesn’t require the perfect words. You just need to open a door. You could say something like:
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been really quiet lately – how are you doing?”
- “You seem a bit different these days. Do you want to talk?”
- “I care about you and I’m here. No pressure – just letting you know.”
- “Are things feeling really heavy for you right now? Have you thought about hurting yourself?”
It’s understandable to feel nervous about bringing up suicidal thoughts – but asking directly, with care, doesn’t make things worse. In fact, open conversations can reduce distress and help someone feel less alone. Silence and avoidance deepen isolation. Reaching out can be the first step in helping someone feel seen and supported before things spiral further.
If they open up: how to be there
Supporting someone doesn’t mean you have to fix everything. Just being present can be enough. You can:
- Listen without rushing to give advice. We’re rarely starved of correction, but people are often in need of connection
- Acknowledge their experience – “I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, but I’m grateful you’re sharing this with me.”
- Avoid judgement – Stay calm and grounded, even if what they say is uncomfortable to hear
- Sit with silence if needed – Sometimes just being there, quietly, is what a person needs the most
You can gently encourage them to seek help:
- “Would it help to talk to a counsellor to support you through this?”
- “I can go with you to the counselling centre, or help you make an appointment if it feels too much to do alone.”
Offer support, not pressure. Let them move at their own pace. If they don’t feel like opening up, let them know that you’re there if and when they feel like talking.
Look after yourself, too
Being there for someone who’s hurting can leave you feeling drained, worried, or even guilty. That’s natural, but keep in mind:
- You are not responsible for solving anyone’s pain
- You're allowed to set limits and protect your own wellbeing (e.g., you can't be available 24/7; if you feel overwhelmed, it’s OK to say, “I really want to be there for you, but I’m feeling tired just now – can we talk later when I can be more present?”
- Encourage them to identify someone else they trust or a helpline they can contact (see below for our crisis hotline details). You might say, “I might not be reachable later, but is there someone else you could talk to if things feel really heavy?” You're not abandoning them – you’re helping them build a support network
- You're encouraged to talk to someone yourself, especially if the situation is weighing on you
The Counselling and Wellness team is here for you, too – not just for crises, but anytime you need to process or decompress.
Remember…
Even therapists and doctors can only do their best to support others. None of us can offer perfection, but we can all give our presence. You don’t need to find the right thing to say or offer a solution. Just notice, care, and be there.
If someone you care about is struggling, check in and reach out. If you’re struggling, reach out. No-one has to carry these feelings alone.
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Resources
Whenever you need us, we're ready to help you. If you're a Sunway student and need urgent support, you can contact our 24/7 hotline on 015-4877-0405 or you can WhatsApp us 24/7 on 011-3011-6505.
(It's helpful to save both numbers in your phone in case you or someone you know needs them.)
If you need to talk to a member of the Counselling and Wellness team, here’s how to make an appointment:
- Log in to iZone
- Click on Services -> eForms -> Counselling eForm
- Fill in the eForm with your particulars -> Submit
