When we think of grief, we usually associate it with a loss that has already happened, yet there are some situations when the sadness starts long before the actual goodbye.
For example, you might know that a grandparent’s health is declining and feel a heaviness during visits, even though they’re still here. You might be in a relationship where both of you know that when the year ends, you’ll be heading to different countries and won’t continue the relationship. You might be finishing a one-year programme or be in the final term of a role that has shaped your identity, aware that this chapter has a clear end point.
This experience is often described as anticipatory grief, which refers to grieving something that you can see is coming to an end. Nothing has fully changed yet, but your mind and emotions are already anticipating the loss.
You might find yourself wanting to enjoy every remaining moment while also feeling a low-level sadness in the background or notice that ordinary interactions feel more meaningful because you’re aware they’re limited. At times, you might even wish you could fast-forward to avoid the build-up of emotion, or rewind to extend what you already have.
Anticipatory grief can feel like something we want to resist; however, there are easier ways to deal with it:
Think about how you want to spend the remaining time. If this relationship, role, or season has an end date, are there conversations you’d regret not having, or experiences you’d like to have before it’s over?
Say what you appreciate while you still can. Expressing gratitude now often feels more satisfying than looking back later and wishing you had "one more day" to say the things you have the chance to say now.
Reflect on what you’ve gained. Consider how this person or experience has shaped your outlook, values, or sense of direction. What we gain through a person or experience doesn't disappear when the physical loss happens.
Allow yourself to feel both thankful and sad. It's normal to feel more than one emotion at a time, and these emotions might feel conflicting. But it's natural for this to happen and it doesn't mean anything is wrong.
When you know an ending is coming, it can also raise uncomfortable thoughts about whether it would have been easier not to care so much in the first place. Most people recognise, however, that the joy and richness that comes with connection is inseparable from the pain of loss. The grief we feel isn't evidence that we made a mistake by investing ourselves; it shows how much something or someone mattered to us.
