How to cope with personal turmoil during your studies

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Throughout your life at university, you're no stranger to the demands and pressures of academic life. But when significant personal challenges arise, such as a heart-wrenching breakup just before exams or a toxic family environment that's pulling focus from your studies, it can feel like your world is crumbling. The pain and turmoil can be all-consuming, making it difficult to concentrate on your coursework or even take care of yourself.

How can we start to deal with what can often feel like a chaotic period in our lives? Let’s be honest, advice such as, “Time is a healer” or “Remember, no problem is permanent” might be well-intended, but it’s rarely helpful. 

(There’s a term for this kind of advice: bypassing. In simple terms, bypassing is used when people feel uncomfortable dealing with complex or heavy issues, and so simplistic advice is offered, partly, as a way to avoid having to confront their own discomfort.)

First and foremost, it’s important to know that what you're going through is a common part of what it means to be human. When you're in the midst of a crisis, platitudes like “Just think positive” or “Everything happens for a reason” can feel dismissive and unhelpful. The truth is, healing from emotional wounds takes time, and there's no magic solution to make the pain disappear overnight.

So, what can you do to navigate this difficult period while staying afloat academically? Start by giving yourself permission to feel your emotions fully. Cry, scream into a pillow, write in a journal – d do whatever you need to express what's in your heart. Bottling up your feelings will only prolong your suffering. Find an outlet that’s healthy and works for you.

Side note: Did you know…? Crying has several health benefits. Check out this article to learn more.

Next, try to establish a simple routine that adds some structure to your days. When life feels chaotic, having a predictable schedule can provide a sense of stability. This doesn't mean you need to adhere to a rigid timetable but aim to wake up and go to sleep at consistent times, eat regular meals, and set aside dedicated blocks for studying, even if you can only manage short bursts of concentration.

During this time, self-compassion is essential. Be gentle with yourself and acknowledge that your productivity may take a hit. Instead of berating yourself for struggling to focus, celebrate the small wins, like managing to attend a lecture or submitting an assignment, even if it's not up to your usual standards. 

And please keep in mind that every single one of us goes through times like these. While the inner-critic might say stuff like, “You’re weak”, “You’re so useless – you can’t even focus properly”, none of that is true. This is where self-compassion helps to deal with those kinds of thoughts.

If you're grappling with insomnia or finding yourself consumed by intrusive thoughts, try practising grounding techniques. Engaging with the present can help quieten the mind's chatter. Experiment with different relaxation methods like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or guided imagery to help calm your nervous system.

Remember, you don't have to suffer in silence. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can offer a listening ear and emotional support. If you're not ready to talk about what you're going through, that's okay too. Consider joining a support group or online forum where you can connect with others who are facing similar challenges.

Lastly, if you're struggling to keep up with academic demands, don't hesitate to communicate with your lecturers or tutors. They might be more understanding than you expect and can offer guidance on how to manage your workload during this difficult time. Sunway University has policies in place to support students experiencing extenuating circumstances, such as the option to defer exams or request extensions on assignments.

Navigating heartbreak, family turmoil, or other personal crises while pursuing your degree is a heroic feat. It takes immense strength and courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other when your world feels like it's falling apart. 

Be patient with yourself and remember that healing is not a linear process. There will be days when the pain feels insurmountable, but there will also be moments of light and hope. Trust that you have the resilience to weather this storm, even if the path ahead feels uncertain. You are not alone, and you will get through this.

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“This is how we release ourselves from the prison of avoidance—we let the feelings come. We let them move through us. And then we let them go.” ~ Dr. Edith Eger